I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize