you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
