When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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