I think I am morally bankrupt
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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