I like my sex mixed with concussions.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
