Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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