when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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