I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
