I just saw a hot homeless man
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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