I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
