Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
