I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just tell him i said nine months
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
