There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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