Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
