Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
