you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
