Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
