that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
