every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
