i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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