I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
