Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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