apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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