He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
