Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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