on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
