I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
