remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
