omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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