saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
