Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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