You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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