I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I think I sprained my soul last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize