Little spoons don't ask big questions
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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