I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
