We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Naked Twister starts at high noon
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
