I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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