as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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