Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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