Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
