super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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