I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
