I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
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Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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