it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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