The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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