Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
