he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
