You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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