OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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