i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize