I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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