he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize