There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
