I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
