Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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