I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
