There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
