she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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