I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Houston, we have a blender
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
