Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
