I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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