I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
