if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
