READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
