He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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