i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
