you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The best revenge is premature balding
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
