dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
