And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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