I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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