so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
