who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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