My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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