i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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