You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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